The Holiday misadventures of Kiana and Carly
by scarface101
Summary: First One-shot. Not to be taken seriously. This is a Christmas present for my two girlfriends. Kiana and Carly.


**A/N: Okay, this will be my first ever official One-shot. Starring my two Girlfriends. My Waifu Kiana and My Lesbian Dyke Carly. This one goes out to them as a Christmas present. Like it or hate it, I don't give a flying fuck. This is for THEM. Hope you all enjoy.**

Twas the night before Christmas in Cape Town, Carly and Kiana had just finished making merry. Down in the animal preserve, lied the Cheetah Origami, the image of his beloved owner dancing in his head. In their mansion, the two lovers lied in bed.

Then Carly awoke with a scowl, for she began to smell an odor most foul. She grabbed a Louisville slugger from the mantle, for she was gonna knock the intruder straight into Seattle. She crept along the halls as silent as a mouse, her ears perked open for any noise in the house.

She kicked open the bathroom door. "HOLD IT RIGHT THERE MOTHERFUCKER!" she yelled with a roar. The intruder jumped from the toilet seat. His crimson pants pooled around his feet. He raised his hands up in defense, his face stunned and his lips quivering unable to form a sentence.

With a shout and a swing, she cracked him on the head. It was at this time, Kiana arose from bed. The Dyke swung again, the bat making another crack. The Intruder's vision was fading to black. He fell on his back, his lower body still exposed. With a smirk it was now time for the Dyke to call the police she supposed.

 **(A/N: The rhyming ends now. I suck at it.)**

"Umm. Carly? What happened?" asked Kiana as she walked inside in her underwear. The Waifu had a look of concern on her face then she saw the intruder on the floor… dressed in the likeness of Santa Claus. His chest not moving in the slightest.

"I think you killed him." The Ebony skinned Waifu commented with a frown, then she heard a noise on the roof and went outside to investigate. Carly However, began to drag the deceased intruder across the floor then promptly tossed him into the basement.

"Heh. So much for that pervert." She spoke while rubbing her palms together, she decided to make a protein shake before calling the cops. She was interrupted by the yell of her girlfriend, brandishing her baseball bat, she rushed outside and found the Waifu staring up at something. Following her gaze she looked up at the roof… and saw a crimson sleigh attached to a group of reindeer.

"Oh my holy god… did I just murder Old Saint Nick?" the Dyke asked with her jaw dropping to the ground, and began muttering a prayer of forgiveness to her ancestors for her actions.

"Carly… What did you do with him?" Kiana asked prompting her girlfriend to direct them to their basement where the body of Father Christmas lied still on the ground. They turned him over onto his back, and from his breast pocket was some type of card.

Pulling it out, Kiana began to read off its contents "If you are reading this then you have discovered that I am Santa Claus and some kind of an accident has befallen me. Fear not, for if an accident of the fatal variety has befallen me, then I shall revive in a few hours. Until then, I humbly ask that you put on my coat and hat and continue my work for the night.

My Reindeer are very specially trained and shall take you where you need to go. You will find my bag in the sleigh which will automatically produce the needed gifts for each home. Have fun, yours truly, Mr. S. Claus."

The Waifu looked up at her girlfriend and spoke "Carly… put the suit and hat on." She demanded while pointing at the body of old Saint Nick.

"Why me?" the Dyke asked in some dismay, not looking forward to putting on the clothes of a dead fat guy. Temporarily deceased or not.

"You killed Santa. You're responsible." Was Kiana's reasoning as she pointed to Santa on the floor. With a sigh, Carly conceded and put on Santa's hat and coat, the articles of clothing obviously being too big for her. Then a flurry of snowflakes surrounded her, the overly large suit shrinking down to fit her size until it began to show some of her dark skinned cleavage. The coat now barely covered her thick ass which she had cultivated from her workouts.

A pair of low heeled boots appeared along with white thigh high stockings which contrast against her skin. She looked at her girlfriend for a moment while blushing and muttered "Don't tell your sister in law. She'd never let me live this down."

Kiana however smiled in a coy manner and replied "I dunno. The Sassy Santa outfit looks awesome on you. Our boyfriend would certainly love a picture of this." With a pair of giggles the two went outside, wondering how they would get up to the reindeer pulled Sleigh. As if sensing their thoughts, the snow formed into a ladder of ice. With a shrug, the two climbed up towards the Roof, the Reindeer standing there patiently waiting for their master's return. They perked up when they saw the form of Carly appear wearing what could be described as a 'Sassy Santa' outfit. The Dyke could've sworn at least one of them wolf whistled at her, making her roll her eyes and speak in a blank tone "Sorry. But I'm taken. My big boy and Waifu would get jealous."

The two Ebony skinned ladies climbed into the sleigh, the Dyke taking the reins into her hands. She gave them a snap to urge the Reindeer onward but they didn't budge, she looked to her girlfriend with a puzzled expression and asked "Okaaaay, how do we get them to go? Should we try something liiiiike 'Yip Yip'?" at the call of 'Yip Yip', the Reindeer pulled the sleigh high up into the night sky.

They flew for some minutes, and wondered why they weren't cold as they flew but decided to chalk it up as 'Santa magic'. They looked at the Sleigh and found it to be somewhat advanced in nature as a large variety of buttons and switches blinked.

"Hey. Lady in the Hat. You copy?" asked a voice making Carly look around for the source of it. The voice spoke again into her ear "The hat works as a radio. See the fuzzy top hanging around? You speak into it."

She scowled for a moment then spoke into the radio's mouthpiece "Who the hell is this? Are you one of Santa's elves or something?"

"Yep. I am. Anyways, here a friendly warning: Watch out for Gremlins. Santa Claus banished them some centuries ago when their toys had a tendency to attack children. Now they spend every Christmas trying to thwart Santa. Have fun blowing them out of the sky!" with that the radio turned off with a click.

"Seriously? Gremlins? This night couldn't get any weirder." Muttered the Sassy Santa with a small frown. Then her and Kiana's ears perked up at the sounds of planes approaching. When they looked it was a mish mash of planes that appeared to be clumsily welded together from various scrap yards. But somehow they still managed to stay airborne. The Gremlins in the cockpits all cackled in a crazed manner as they began firing rusty nails at the sleigh and Reindeer.

However, the nails were stopped by some form of force field which protected the sleigh and Reindeer. Whether this was created by science or magic they didn't know. But now they found that those Gremlins were becoming quite annoying. Kiana scanned the buttons and switches for anything useful then found one that said 'Anti-Gremlin gun'.

She pushed it and out came a gun with a crank handle, the Waifu grabbed it and started turning the crank which began firing sharpened candy canes at the makeshift planes with a 'Papapapapow!' noise. She had to admit… it was actually kind of fun… but why were candy canes used as ammo? Some kind of holiday irony or humor? Ah well, she was having a blast.

The candy canes thudded and pierced the scrap plating of the planes which made the Gremlins lose altitude. One by one they either fell to the ground and promptly exploded or fell apart in midair. At last, some peace and quiet was earned as the last plane crashed to the ground.

"Job well done Santa!" spoke an electronic voice as some type of drink dispenser appeared which served two cups of hot chocolate along with two cookies. The two dark skinned ladies looked at each other for a moment then shrugged and helped themselves to the goodies. "I'm wondering… how will I know what presents to leave under the Christmas trees?" the Santa Dyke wondered with a small frown.

"Dunno. Maybe the sack will give you what you need? Like that Tim Allen movie?" asked Kiana with a shrug. Carly grabbed the sack in the back of the sleigh which began to float in the air along with the Substitute Sassy Santa. It floated her over above a chimney and then slowly descended down, the chimney expanded allowing the ebony skinned woman to easily slide down and enter the home where a Christmas tree waited.

She shrugged and reached into the bag and pulled out the presents, leaving them under the tree for the family. A ferocious growl came from behind her making her turn around and meet the snarling form of a Rottweiler.

"Good doggy! No biting the new Santa!" she spoke as she grabbed Santa's sack and made her way towards the fireplace. Moving at a slow and careful pace to avoid provoking the dog. She then felt something hard on top of her head, prompting her to pull off the Santa cap and find a large and thick bone waiting. She slowly pulled it out and then placed it on the floor. The dog wagged its stubby tale and barked happily as it accepted the bone and padded off to begin chewing on its prize.

"Ohhhhhh. So that's how Santa deals with guard dogs. I always wondered about that." She thought out loud before ascending back up the chimney which expanded again to accommodate her. She smiled now knowing how it felt to be the real Santa Claus as she marched back up to the sleigh with the sack in hand.

She stopped for a moment when she heard a weird noise… it sounded like the clattering of cow bells for some odd reason. A loud 'whoosh' came overhead as another sleigh came into view, but unlike Santa's which was clean and seemed to glow with Holiday spirit, this one seemed demonic in nature as it was pulled by Skeletal Reindeer. A horned figure snapped the reins and looked down on the two Ebony skinned women with seemingly glowing eyes. It saw that Carly was wearing Santa's clothes and so he turned hard, altering his course towards them.

"He doesn't look friendly." Commented Kiana as the demonic looking entity flew towards them, it reached into a tattered and blackened sack and pulled out what appeared to be some kind of bomb. With a yelp Carly leapt into the sleigh and snapped the reigns giving the reindeer a quick 'Yip yip' urging them to take off.

The Sassy Santa grabbed the mouthpiece in her Santa hat and yelled "MR ELF GUY! WE HAVE A REALLY ANGRY HORNED GUY THAT LOOKS LIKE HE'S TRYING TO RIP OFF SANTA! THE HELL'S GOING ON?"

The radio hidden in her hat crackled to life as the voice of the elf replied "That'll be Krampus, otherwise known as the Anti-Claus. Instead of giving out presents he punishes people. He and Santa have been going at it for centuries. Most usually Krampus tries to thwart Santa's gift giving so that children won't believe in Santa, giving Krampus himself more victims to torment. Good luck and give that monster a good whipping!"

The Sassy Santa nodded and spoke to her girlfriend "Okay Kiana! We're gonna fight this Krampus guy! I'll fly and you can start shooting at him!" at this, the Waifu nodded and pushed the button for the candy cane spitting gun then began to crank it, spitting out the sharpened peppermint sticks at Krampus' sleigh. However some type of shield, the same kind which repelled the Gremlin's attacks on the two girls earlier.

Kiana frowned when she realized that this weapon wouldn't work, she then noticed that the buttons on the sleigh were categorized by their function. She smiled as she looked over the various buttons under 'Weapons' and then pushed a button with a Jack-in-the-box on it. Out of the back of the Sleigh popped a strange multi-armed Jack-in-the-box which was… well… ARMED to the teeth. Carrying various weapons including Chainsaws, miniguns, Rocket Launchers, and more.

"LEEEEEEEEROY JENKINS!" the Crazed toy screamed as he began to fire his weapons and toss a seemingly unlimited supply of chainsaws all the while it was laughing quite maniacally. "WHY THE HELL DOES SANTA HAVE A PSYCHO JACK-IN-THE-BOX?" Carly yelled out while snapping the reigns, urging the Reindeer to go even faster.

The bullets were bouncing off Krampus' shield, but it was whittling it down as evidenced by the cracking. The chainsaw blades were aimed at the Skeletal Reindeer which cut apart a few into smaller pieces. The rockets however seemed to be fired randomly as they exploded in the air, though it did keep Krampus flying in an evasive manner.

Then from the back of Krampus' sleigh popped a pair of large and rusty scissors that severed the coils of the crazed Jack-in-the-box, sending it's upper body plummeting to the earth. Licking her lips Kiana pushed a random button which caused a box to shoot out from the back of Santa's sleigh. On top of the box popped out a little parachute which kept it in the air.

"WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SUPPOSED TO DO?" yelled the Dyke wondering why Santa had such a useless weapon. The Anti-Clause carelessly flew by the box, which caused it to burst open revealing a swarm of fairies, Sugar Plum Fairies, to be exact. To latch onto the crude sleigh, their small mouths turned into a gaping black hole with hundreds of tiny and sharp teeth as they gnawed on Krampus' sleigh.

"Never mind." The Sassy Santa spoke with a sweat-drop, though the two did find it amusing to watch the Anti-Clause roar and shout angrily in an unknown language as his sleigh was being eaten and torn apart by the fairies.

"Carly? Carly? Carly?" spoke the voice of the Dyke's girlfriend, however this voice sounded more… disembodied. Carly frowned as a caption that read as 'paused' came into view and she removed the headgear that kept her vision in the Virtual reality game.

"What's up Kiana? You need something?" She asked with a smile despite the interruption.

The Waifu shrugged and replied "No. Not really. Was just wondering what you were doing. Where'd you get that Playstation VR headset?"

"Oh this thing? Big boy sent me this and asked me to play and record a quick demo for his Fanfiction story. Though I don't really get how that'd work. Anyway, I ended up killing Santa Claus and I took his place then I fought Gremlins and an Evil Santa. And the whole time you were there with me. It was pretty cool." Explained the Ebony skinned Lesbian with a large smile.

"Really? Sooooo. None of it mattered then? I mean, if Hanta-kun was to introduce your playthrough as a Fanfiction story then wouldn't it be like flipping a giant middle finger to the viewers? I imagine that our boyfriend will be getting a LOT of Flames from the Internet trolls." Kiana commented while crossing her arms.

"Maybe. But those who truly like Big Boy's stories will probably have enjoyed the ride." Carly quipped with a large smile. She then handed over the Virtual Reality headset and spoke "You play for a bit. I need to take a break from the games and work out. My big boy does love drilling my Lesbian ass."

Kiana giggled and put on the headset to continue where the game left off. All the while, Carly began some pushups to keep in shape. Yep, this was a pretty normal Christmas for them… even though they didn't realize they were already the Subject of a One-shot.

 **End One-shot.**

 **A/N: Sorry for the late update. Rest assured, I have plenty of other updates in the works for you to enjoy. And I will update them when they're ready. Hope you enjoyed this Brief One-shot and Merry Christmas!**


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